Hi Reader
Apologies for the delayed newsletter! I was finalizing the newsletter while flying mid-air to India when the Wi-Fi went out, and I couldn't access it until landing in Hong Kong! (more on this trip to India once I'm back in 2 weeks! My first trip in 11 years)
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I refuse to engage with 'rage bait' and 30-second clickbait. Honestly, I don't think you'd want me to overwhelm you with 30-second downloaded thoughts.
If you've heard my podcast or ever asked me a question, you'd know I've never been able to make a concise statement. Every question requires deep thought.
(Good luck to me to ever try a Ted talk or to the person who will coach me in saying a 12-minute Ted Talk lol)
But in all seriousness, I go into such deep thought because I believe the person who asked the question deserves respect, which in turn means being thoughtful in how I respond.
And I believe if I'm going to talk about something incredibly sensitive or socially challenging, I have no desire to enable more anxiety; that's not empathy.
What you can expect in today's issue:
- A reflection on social media, fear, and performative “takes”
- Why we mistake immediacy for thoughtfulness
- A behind-the-scenes moment from my keynote in New Orleans
The Reframe: Reaction Isn’t Connection
I’ve been watching how people respond to what’s happening worldwide and how much the online world influences their offline relationships.
And here’s what I’ve noticed: We’re reacting before we’ve even had a chance to process. In fact, I'll go as far as to say, we're not responding, but everyone is reacting. And sadly, that reaction is now being mistaken for insight.
Why?
Because social media rewards it, the minute something happens globally, politically, personally, and within minutes, there are “opinions and "insights."
But, friends, it couldn't be further from the truth.
These aren’t opinions. They’re out-loud processing. It's a collective form of trauma dumping and trauma bonding.
They’re unfiltered emotional triggers—posted, reposted, and amplified. We mistake that for thought leadership because speed is rewarded over depth. Visibility is confused with value.
People immediately jump to social media to add their perspective, but we’re really just reacting to each other’s unprocessed pain.
And because social media rewards strong emotions, it manipulates your part of the brain that thinks,
Oh my gosh, I'm in a state of crisis!! --> This keeps you scrolling and craving more information so that your brain can know what to do.
But it's a fake out. Because you're not getting any more clarity, you're getting:
- More noise.
- Absorbing other people's reactions
- Using this rage bait information to make decisions that affect you, your mental health, and your community.
Social media wins. You keep scrolling, and your emotional state suffers.
- Exhaustion sets in
- Confuses us more
- Keeps us in a fake sense of urgency
- Overwhelms us—individually and collectively.
And we lose as a society.
That overstimulation has caused us to lose the ability to listen and to have conversations.
I've had peers and colleagues text me, "Payal, why aren't you saying anything about empathy in this situation? You should be activated right now!"
My response, "Personally, I find it reckless to show up online and dump my initial reactions before I have had a chance to process internally how this is affecting me. This is not how I want to role model relationships and communications centered on empathy."
I take time to
- I settle into my emotions, as humanly expected.
- It takes me time to process the circumstances and gather the facts.
- I wait to hear the details because context matters—always.
- I want to have conversations from a place of settled feelings to keep the focus on the issue and not from a reactionary state.
We can’t build relationships from reactivity.
Last week, I gave a keynote address in New Orleans on The Relationship Economy to a room full of 150 business owners from 12 countries.
I emphasized, "Relationships are the infrastructure of our success, and to activate deep relationships we're all craving is to activate empathy...but empathy can only be activated once we decenter ourselves. And decentering ourselves means knowing how to regulate our emotional responses."
I firmly believe this is the way forward. And right now, we need those relationships more than ever.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Why am I sharing this with you?
We're about to enter the holiday season. With everything going on, many might lose it at holiday parties or around extended family for gatherings. So it's important to begin practicing how to process your emotional regulation so you can remain anchored in moments when you want to lose it.
So ask yourself and sit with these questions:
- Protect your mental health by setting boundaries around how much you engage on social media
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When you know you might be activated or triggered by something someone says, take a deep breath and
- Remove yourself from the environment by moving to a different part of the room
- Change the conversation
- Set a time boundary for how long you'll be attending an event
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Before reacting, take the Curiosity Pause™. Take a deep breath and lean into asking more questions.
- "Tell me more."
- "I need more context. What do you mean by xyz?"
- "Before I can respond, I need to process what was shared, so that I speak once I have a clear head around the issue"
What's Happening, BTS
Updates on Reframing Perspectives Podcast:
Friends, we're approaching 35 podcast episodes since our launch in February, and the most beautiful experience happened live!
At a party I was attending, a woman in her 60s approached me, sharing how, after each episode she listens to, she proceeds to have a discussion with her two kids, who are in their twenties, about the topic. She's taken an active approach to better understanding her kids' perspective, which is so different from hers, and it's brought them closer as a family.
I was blown away. Never had I imagined that it would help bring generations closer together—a mother who is using this as a way to connect deeply with her kids.
It's more than I could ask for, and I will forever be grateful to every guest who shares their perspectives to help us find common ground and deepen our relationships.
So, friends, if you could continue to listen and share with your friends and family, I'd be forever grateful.
If an episode really touched you, please leave a review. These reviews across Apple, Spotify, and YouTube make all the difference for a new podcast such as Reframing Perspectives with Payal Beri, PhD.
Our Fall Season Plans
As we enter the final 3 months of the year, I have three ways to work with you, as you see below.
- 2 openings for keynotes + moderating workshops/panels between October and November
- 1 opening for Disruptive Empathy Advisory (Tier 1), where I'll create a customized immersive strategy to life that takes your clients/community to experience the real impact of your mission. (November)
- 1 opening for purpose-driven entrepreneurs ready to elevate their business and create a cohesive structure by tying their services to a clear north star and vision. (November to Early December)
You can learn more below, and if you're ready to explore, complete the contact form or reply to this email!
How you can work directly with Dr. Beri and the RKE Team when you're ready:
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Book me to speak or facilitate a workshop at your next work event or conference.
Topics:
Navigating chaos and uncertainty
The Relationship Economy
The Power of an Unapologetic Woman
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Disruptive Empathy Advisory
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